The New Year is a powerful time to reflect and revise how we live. It's natural to look back and shake your head at some of the things you struggled through over the past year. As I write this, I'm in the process of selling our family home, moving children leaving the nest, breaking old patterns with my husband of 20yrs, and moving into my own place.  That's a lot of change and has come with many awarenesses of what's working and what really isn't working.

I was recently asked to do a tv interview and comment on the importance of New Year's resolutions. I couldn't really deliver because in my experience, a resolution lacks the potency to carry out the endeavour. Here's what I wrote in response to that question.

​This is a more energetic approach that offers less resistance and will serve you better in the long run. It allows for course correction and lessens the judgement around success and failure. For more specific or concrete goals the approach is very similar. Stay in touch with why you're doing it, what the benefits will be and what the cost of not doing it will be. Keep that photo on hand to remind you that this is an act of love for yourself. Resolve means you're all in and you're showing up no matter what. This is who you are now. You're allowed time off, you're allowed to break down and start over, but you are committed to you and creating a life you love living

I get a lot of clients saying that they would like to improve their relationships. For some its with their partner or spouse, a lot of times its with family members, co-workers or their children. The interesting thing is that before we can start working on our relationship with others, we first have to look at our relationship with ourselves. Sorry, but it's true!

Another thing I hear a lot is "I don't want to waste my time talking about nothing." I have to say "I agree!" How about you? Are you over it? Have you had enough small talk, complaining, gossip, surface level conversation? 

The next thing to ask is "What else is there?". What is actually possible in conversation? What is possible in connection? I think we can agree that we want more! We want to go deeper. We want to experience a richness of connection that brings us to life. We want to feel seen and heard. We don't want someone to fix or rescue us. We want to be reminded of our greatness, our potency.

When was the last time you had someone remind you of your magnificence? When was the last time you were deeply impacted by an interaction with another person? In my work with clients and colleagues, this is a daily thing and I'm so grateful to be able to spend a lot of my time in that space. When I first discovered what was possible it blew my mind. Now that's where I want to be as much as possible and I really notice when its missing.

Do you have an idea of what a meaningful connection would be for you? Do you have people in your life with whom you can go "there", go deep, go all in, be vulnerable and rise like a phoenix from the ashes? Who are the people that lift you up and make you rise to the occasion to be the best version of you?

I said earlier that to have that with another, it's essential to learn to go there with ourselves. Here's an idea of how that can work:

Give yourself the things you would like to receive from someone else
Listen without judging or trying to fix
Be fully attentive to your body responses and all the thoughts that pop
Be curious instead of jumping to conclusions
Give space for change to happen in it's own time
Don't give into stories that disempower
Remind yourself of your strengths and greatness
Encourage, acknowledge successes and predict positive outcomes
Kick some ass where necessary

Alright, let's apply this to our encounters with others!
I'll start by saying, "this takes time and practice". It really does. We've developed all kinds of habits that create separation rather than connection. The good news is...we can learn a new and rewarding way of being, BEING, together.

Be with the person for the sake of listening and being impacted
Notice your reactions and responses without leaving the gates prematurely 
Listen without judging or trying to fix
Be curious instead of jumping to conclusions
Give space for change to happen in it's own time
Don't buy into stories that disempower
Remind them of their strengths and greatness
Encourage, acknowledge and predict positive outcomes
Always ask permission before giving advice or suggestions
Shut up and let them figure it out on their own, ask more questions
Kick some ass where necessary
​
You can do this. You can have those conversations and connections. And, you can have that with yourself too. You can love being in your own company, laugh at your own jokes, marvel at your own insights and be deeply appreciative for the kindness, generosity and support you have cultivated.
Good luck and keep me posted on developments. I love hearing success stories. And as always, I am available for coaching on this and more.

All the love,
xo dar

The Green Tara Mantra is a beautiful way to interact with the energy of abundance and the releasing of attachments to suffering. Use this mantra any time you are experiencing suffering and allow it to soften your grip on those things that you perceive as causing pain. The truth of you is abundance, wellbeing, radiance and vitality.

To work with me on dynamically shifting out of this space and into the fullness of your truth, send a message and we can discuss possibilities.

Many Blessings,
Darlene

Do you ever have those moments when you realize you screwed up? This morning I realized I really messed something up. In this moment, I'm feeling frustrated, embarrassed and angry. I'm also worried that I won't be able to "fix" the "problem" according to my timeline.

Want to know what happened?

Here are the basics: In September I went back to school to finish my B.A. This has been a wonderful experience but navigating the logistics has been soooo frustrating. As everything is in lockdown, no one is in the office, no one is answering phones and everything is done with an endless stream of emails. It took months to get all my logins, change my name, get my new ID, create a new email and so on.
Anyway, when I enrolled I confirmed that I intended to graduate this Spring. I've been waiting for details on how to proceed but until this morning I didn't go looking for information...did I miss something?? What I discovered is that I was supposed to apply for graduation in November! What!? Is the university using telepathy to communicate this? 
Here's what I'm thinking and how I'm moving from shock to calm action...

Reflection: I want to blame "them". I know this, and maybe the university could have made this process more straight forward, but ultimately, I know it's my responsibility. Blaming them and blaming myself are not constructive options.

The story I'm telling myself: I have a habit of missing details and I trust the system to keep me informed. The whole reason I didn't graduate 20yrs ago is because of a missed email. Honestly, it was a total fluke, but the result is that I'm telling myself a story about messing this up...again. How could I do this again? 

Now what? The only thing I can do now is to connect with the registrar's office and start asking for help. I'll find out what else is possible and explore whatever angles I can find. I always believe there is a way and if there isn't a way, I believe everything will work out in it's own time. And, it always does.

What do I know? I know that I am creating my experience. I know that everything will work out. I know I'm not an idiot. I know there are no "problems" and there is nothing to "fix". It's all just experience and I can chose to enjoy it, fight it or just do it. I know I can let this go until the offices open next week.

What have you messed up on?
Who are you blaming?
What stories are you telling yourself and others?
What action can you take to change this?

Why Share this story? We all make mistakes and we all tell ourselves stories about how we are the victim of someone else's inadequacy. Some of that may be true but what really matters is what we chose to do about it. In this moment I have a whole variety of emotions. I want sympathy, I want hugs, I want to cry and kick myself. But, I also know that this is a temporary experience based on the thoughts I'm having.

What I want for you is to allow yourself to have the experience...but not buy it as the whole truth. I want you to be able to pivot quicker, shake it off, move on and switch into action. I want you to co-create your experience of this life as something fun, fulfilling and freeing.

All the Love,
Darlene

​

Can’t we all just get along?
As much as we love our families, they drive us nuts sometimes. I definitely do not have all the answers but I can share some of the things that have helped me over the years. You may find some of these suggestions seem to contradict one another. All I can say is “it’s a dance”.

1. Give them what they want.
I’ll start here because it makes most people cringe. Most of the time we think we’re already giving them what they need from us but what we’re actually doing is holding as much back for ourselves as possible. Energetically this withholding is palpable to your friend/family member. Try and stand back and see what it is they’re really looking for. They may not be able to tell you they feel unloved or overlooked or whatever it is.
I have a person in my life that loves cards. I finally discovered that this was a key thing for them and that not receiving one from me on special occasions was like broadcasting that I didn’t care. Of course I care, and I do like cards, but once my family life started getting really busy, sending and receiving cards was no longer on my radar.
Now that I know this, I make sure to send cards. They are often late even though I bought them ahead of time but I will let the person know a card is on it’s way and that I haven’t forgotten.
I’ve also learned to bring small gifts when I visit and I try to touch base more often and stay up to date on life events. I know I could still do a bit more and I’m sure it would be greatly appreciated. This simple thing has made a significant impact and I’ve reaped the benefits of so much more joy and harmony in our relationship as a result.

2. Be honest.
I’m loving this approach in many areas of my life. Here’s an example that’s not from my family, but that I worked on with someone else. It goes something like this: “I’m really struggling with something and I don’t know how to say what I’m feeling. I’ve been trying to find ways to deal with this on my own but I’m stuck and I think I just have to come out and be honest. I’m having a lot of anxiety about Christmas this year. It’s such a special time and I’m so excited to have everyone around but when there’s arguing and competition between you and your sister, my stomach ties in knots and I just want to go and hide in a corner. I’m sure it’s difficult for you as well. Is there something we can do to make our time together more enjoyable?”
This is not about making anyone right or wrong. It’s not about justifying anyone’s behaviour. It’s only about you and how you feel as a result of the situation. You don’t have to fix anything or anyone, but you also don’t have to stay quiet and suck it up either.
Sometimes it might be enough to say “This isn’t working for me, can we try something different?” and sometimes it’s helpful to let the person know what happens in your body, like your stomach being in knots or your heart racing. Maybe you can’t sleep at night because you’re trying to find a solution all by yourself. They may know you’re upset but they may not understand the extent of your response to the situation.

3. Say “No”.
Ugh that’s a hard one for me and it usually sounds more like “I can’t do that but I can do this.” When our kids were younger, we had 2 families to visit on Christmas day plus our own festivities at home. That meant I was cooking for three events and washing up after each of them. It wasn’t fun for me and it meant that we were always on the move just keeping up with the schedule. Being the first kids in each family to have children it was up to us to find a new way of doing things. The routine changed a bit from year to year but eventually became something that was fun, relaxed and manageable for all.
The last few years we reserved Christmas day just for us at home. If we felt like wandering over to Grandmas house we were always welcome but it wasn’t planned. Instead we would plan to play games or go sliding. And, when we do go to either family, we are able to enjoy it to the fullest.

4. Survive and move on.
That sounds grim but resisting an unpleasant situation usually makes it worse. I could reword that and say, “Be open to enjoying yourself anyway.” Here are a few things I do:

• Soften my defences and allow the unpleasantness to flow past.
• Let people be who they are without judging them for it or trying to change them.
• Get curious about who you’re visiting with. Ask questions about what’s interesting to them.
• Bring a game or craft to share! This works really well when you want to keep busy and engage with people in a way that doesn’t require talking about boring or unpleasant situations. I usually bring something that is easy enough to catch onto and can be mostly completed in one sitting. Often times you’ll find you’re not the only one looking for an escape. Those are your people!
• Set a time limit and stick to it. If you’re going with someone, agree to the schedule before hand. If they want to stay longer, arrange a way to get yourself home if you have to. Choose for you and allow them to enjoy without obligation.

 
5. Stay home and do your own thing if you really must.
Ask yourself what would be really enjoyable for you. Make something new up if you have an idea. You are allowed to break with tradition even if it’s just for one year or for a couple of engagements during the season. What would make this season meaningful and special for you? What have you been missing? What have you never tried?  
​
Finally, I’d like to share that our family has benefited greatly from one person who has taught us all that it’s ok to say no. Sometimes health concerns teach a person to care for him or herself first which might mean cancelling dates, leaving early, lying down or just staying home. We have learned it’s nothing personal and that we can all carry on and enjoy ourselves. Strong family traditions are so wonderful when they work, but there are times when they are made more important than individual wellbeing. Let your family know how much you value them and make an effort to show up fully when you are able. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you’ll resent them because you’ve compromised your own needs so much that you have nothing left to give. By doing so, you give them permission to do the same.
 
I would love to hear what works for you. What have you done to make the holidays fun, restful, meaningful and memorable?

Dear Sweet Saboteur,
You are the voice I hear every time I get a good idea. You are always there to remind me how much I suck and how I will never achieve anything. When I'm about to take a risk you never forget to remind me why it's a really pathetic idea and I will fail miserably just like all the other times. I'm a pretty bad listener so I usually go ahead and go through with my ideas anyway, but just after I do that, you are right there waiting for me to remind me what I forgot and how I could have done it better.
I really don't know where I'd be without you. There are so many things I haven't done thanks to you. I can't even count the projects I've quit and the things I didn't say, the dreams I didn't follow and the plans I didn't even make. Thanks to you I have stayed safe and small. Your constant reminders of my insignificance and unworthiness have been a real help.

Oh someone please gag me! Stop, just stop it! This Saboteur has got to go...somewhere way more fun, wink wink. One thing I know for sure is that my sweet saboteur is really clever, a slippery little sucker to be sure. Sometimes it's enough to just put my foot down but lots of times it sneaks in when I'm not looking. At those times putting my foot down isn't as easy. Here's an approach that I find a little more fun and suits my playful personality real nice.

You'll probably recognize lots of these Saboteur lines and I bet you can come up with a bunch of your own. Either way, they all have one thing in common, they aim to keep you from having more fun. The nerve! Well here's to you Mr. Party Pooper:

Mr. Party Pooper a.k.a Saboteur:                              Ms. Perky Possibility Pants a.k.a. Me:
1. "You suck!"                                                                        "No, you suck!"
2. "You can't do that."                                                        "Oh yah? Watch me!"
3. "That's impossible."                                                       "You're impossible."
4. "What if it doesn't work?"                                         "What if it does work?"
5. "No one's ever managed to do that."                   "They haven't met me!"
6. "You have no idea what you're doing."                "Nope. What's your point?"
7. "You'll fail like all the other times."                       "Your fly is down."
8. "You're too old."                                                               "How rude. You should know better than that."
9. "You're totally unqualified."                                     "Who made you the expert?"
10. "What will people think?"                                        "That I'm awesome, obviously!"
11. "You could lose everything."                                  "Is that ice cream?"
12. "No one will take you seriously."                         "Good. Serious is boring."
13. "That's a ridiculous idea."                                         "Amateur!"
14. "Who do you think you are?"                                 "That's none of your business."
15. "Be realistic!"                                                                   "Is that a spider on your head?"
16. "You haven't thought this through."                   "I'm sorry, are you still talking?"
17. "How are you going to pull this off?"                 "I'm not sure yet. Do you have any suggestions?"
18. "tsk tsk tsk"                                                                       "You're so cute, let me squeeze your cheeks."
19. "You look tired."                                                              "This mirror is working, muah ha ha."
20. "I don't have a good feeling about this."            "Poor thing. You better lie down."
21. "That's a waste of time."                                             "Close the door on your way out ok, I'll be working."

Truth be told, I believe my saboteur developed for good reason. He has good intentions, but is batting for the wrong team, poor guy. I feel for him, I really do, but I have so many amazing things I'm totally fired up about that I just can't allow him to rain on my dreams. I am here to change the way we do things so that this world can be an amazing place for everyone. Who has time to indulge in pessimistic, fear based, limit enforcing thinking? What is the cost of this not only in our own lives but on a community and global scale? Fear is expensive. Dreams are gold. Risk-taking is possibility central.

What dreams have you been putting off? What fears speak louder than possibilities?
What would it look like to live your best life? What are you like when you're at your best? When was the last time you checked in with your vision? How often do you feel absolutely fired up about life? What ideas are calling to you to be explored and brought to life. What would the world be like if you followed your dreams?

Dear sweet, misguided Saboteur, thank you. You have always been there for me and I appreciate that. My friends and I are here for a purpose and we don't have room for members that aren't pulling their weight. If you feel you can support us in following our BIG dreams and making this world a better place for all, then please join us. If you find that you can't take the leap out of your comfort zone, you'll have to stay behind. I wish you all the best xo
​

Thanks for reading!​​
I truly hope this was helpful for you.
My greatest desire is to see you succeed
​in a way that matters most to you. You've spent enough of your life doing what's best in the eyes of others. Now it's time to follow your own sense of knowing. Who better to navigate your awesome life than you?
If you're curious about working with me, send me a message and we'll have a conversation to see if we're a good fit.

Thing 1: IF YOU WANT CHANGE...YOU HAVE TO DO THE WORK!
If you want change, You have to do the work! Don't you just hate that? Change does not happen on it's own for anyone. We all suck at stuff until we suck less and eventually we get pretty good at it. Once that happens, we find something else we suck at that we can work on. 
It's so tempting to look at people who have awesome lives and think they're just lucky. There must be some special circumstances that allowed for them to have what they have. That may be for a very few cases, but most of the time there was a lot of effort involved. Trial and error, failed attempts, embarrassment, frustration, loss, confusion, exhaustion, sweat and tears are all part of this process.
To get what you want you have got to have a "Get back in the ring" sort of attitude. You have got to be willing to do what it takes, get messy, fail fail fail, look stupid, take risks, lose some win some and stay positive as much of the time as you can.

Thing 2: MOST OF THE TIME YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!
Most of the time you won't know exactly what you're doing. You won't know what the next step should be. You may not even know what the next step could be. It's messy, doesn't make sense and there is no guarantee that it'll work.
I hate this! I want things to be obvious and make sense. I want to know that what I'm doing is going to generate the kind of results I'm looking for.
Change that is worth having isn't a destination with a clear path of well marked sign posts. You can't plug it into your Maps App and have it tell you the three route options with estimated travel times. You pretty much have to do your best research, consult your heart and your gut, and then take the plunge. Sometimes you have to do that almost every day! You do it over and over again until you learn better questions to ask, new research avenues and you learn to tune into your heart and instincts on a deeper level. Then, you learn to not take failure personally.

Thing 3: STAY FOCUSSED or STAY STUCK AND LOST
What you focus on is what you get. That's one of the first things you learn in most activities but is very much lacking in life skills. When throwing a ball, aim for your target. When driving, place your attention where you want to go, not on the shiny sparkly thing in the store window. Life is full of distractions. It's full of shiny objects but mostly it's full of busy work, other people's problems, emergencies, hassle, annoyances, sadness, depression, bills, illness and a whole slew of other things to get sidetracked with.
It is not always easy or convenient to have a dream or vision you're working toward. The bottom line is that the less time you spend on it, the less likely it is to become your reality. You must know without any doubt that you will get where you're going, nothing will stop you, delays are normal but determination is your lifeline.
You have got to have a strong vision and feeling of what you are creating. Like a sniffer dog trained on a scent, you've got to be tuned to the frequency of what you're looking for. You have to know it's possible and that you can achieve it even though doubt will often linger. Focus, keep you eye on the target, trust your instincts and go for it.

Thing 4: SELFISHNESS, JUDGEMENT AND OTHER PEOPLE'S OPINIONS
Ugh! Dreams, change, vision, goals, passion, purpose and projects can seem so selfish to our friends and family. First of all, Never expect anyone else to "get it". You may find some people who support you and see the awesomeness you are working toward, but most of the time, people are pretty oblivious. You've got to get OK with that. Stop defending and explaining what you're doing. Stop trying to get them excited with you. That's a massive distraction and time waster. They might get it eventually when you have a finished product or completed project BUT they may never see the value in it. That's pretty normal and that's why it's so important to have dreams that light you up so much that it doesn't matter how many people are there to party with you.
You will find others who will join you for part of the journey and some who may stick with you until the end. Either way, it'll be worth it and you will get to enjoy what you've created. The less you worry about others, the more you can enjoy the ride too.
Judgement happens. It generally happens from people who are not really invested in seeing you shine, even though they may claim to have your best interest at heart. What I find fascinating is, the less concerned I am about making people happy, towing the line, fixing and helping others, the less I get judged. It's really cool. It didn't happen instantly but it happened.
The people in my life recognize that my dreams don't take away from them or our relationship. My success is not a threat to them and I am always happy to help them have their own success. My point of view is that this world is a better place each time one of us finds what they love and lives a life that truly brings them happiness. We all win.
A final though on judgement is that often judgement can be an indicator that you're getting somewhere and making some great progress. The next time someone judges you take a moment to get excited and see just how far you've come. Way to go!

Thing 5: IT NEVER ENDS
It never ends is like the universe laughing when you think you've finally arrived and the work is over. If you listen closely you can hear a great big belly laugh rippling through the cosmos.
Get over looking for an easy way out. The easy way is to do the hard work! The easy way is to do the hard work and then do it again and again. Stop looking for a way out. Learn to enjoy the process and stop making it so serious. It doesn't mean you're bad or wrong or less than anyone else. It's normal and sometimes it really sucks. The good news is that you get better at it with practice and you learn to enjoy the ride. Cultivate a strong sense of trust in yourself and believe that good things will happen. You could believe that bad things will happen but it's less enjoyable and you're likely to be right about what you believe so the safer bet is with optimism!
Lastly, a life worth living is worth the effort put in to get there. End of story.

TIME TO GET STARTED:
Where do you start? Right where you are. There is no right time or best time to start. You just start.

There is so much pressure to know what you want and how you're going to get there. We're supposed to have some grand idea of the life that will pay the bills, be reliable, predictable and secure. And then, we're supposed to enjoy whatever that has turned out to be. How often does that actually work out? How often do you even know what you really want?
There's no simple secret recipe, but there is a way to make it easier and build your internal compass skills. To start, let's break it down a little and see if we can get closer to some clarity. 

1. WHAT'S IMPORTANT TO ME?
What's really important to you? You could make this really simple and just start an inventory of your life. Try three columns; Important/Somewhat Important/Not Important.
You could start with things in your home like your pets, furniture, clothing, craft supplies, sports equipment, kitchen items... Then you could go through the people in your life. This sounds kind of harsh, but look at it in terms of who really makes your life awesome, who sucks the joy out of things, and who is nice to just have around. This is not a time for judgement, just a matter of fact inventory. Now try experiences. What activities, events, duties, responsibilities etc. contribute to your life, which ones definitely detract and which ones just have to get done and don't really factor. For example, I paint my own nails. I don't love it or dislike it, I just do it because I like how it looks. That's pretty neutral and I would put it on my Somewhat Important list.
I think you get the idea. Notice what patterns start to form. Check in and see what's surprising, how are you feeling as you do this, what really stands out for you? With just this in mind, what could you change? Do you notice anything that is missing? Make note of these observations.

2. WHAT ARE MY LIMITING BELIEFS?
What have you been told is the best thing for you to do? See if you can recall what teachers, parents, tv, or other influences imprinted on you that was a "safe bet, good choice, wise, best move, practical, obvious, proper, respectful, dutiful, easy, common sense, honourable, lucrative...". You get the idea. Now bring to mind all the things you were curious about but either dropped or never tried, did in secret or decided were "a waste of time, for losers, pathetic, boring, ridiculous, embarrassing, silly, nerdy, stupid, impractical, impossible, scary, dumb, expensive, technical, out there, weird, controversial, beyond your ability, complicated, not an option...".
Here's what I would do with this list; I'd say to myself "what have I not tried because I didn't want to come across as stupid?". I'd get a few hits from that and ask the same question but insert a different term like "what have I not tried because I thought it'd be too technical for me to understand?".
Once again, get curious about your responses. Don't judge them. See if any emotions come up. Notice if you feel regret, anger, resentment, shame, sad or whatever. These emotions can be a great indicator of something that's going on under the surface for you and can point to reasons why you are feeling stuck and frustrated.

3. HOW DO I AVOID TAKING RISKS?
Now I think you're ready to get in touch with that devil on your shoulder that reminds you how much you suck and all the reasons why you can't have and do what you really long for. We call this dude your saboteur. What's the best way to call your saboteur up to discover his/her evil ways? Dream, make plans or do something brave. When you get ready to try something new and grow beyond your set point, your saboteur gets ready to play. Game on! is the call of the saboteur. His/her favourite thing is to keep you in your corner, safe, scared, small and pathetic. 
Ready to play? Think of something you'd love to do. Now write down what thoughts came to mind immediately after. If you can't think of anything, try these; quitting your job, starting your own business, travelling around the world, breaking up, moving to a tropical island paradise, singing in front of an audience, selling your artwork. You get the idea. Let's try one out, travelling around the world. First things that come up might be; "how will I afford it, who will take care of my dog, what about work, I only speak English and a little French how will I communicate, I can't take that much time off, who are you kidding, you could never pull that off, you're too shy, you'll get robbed and contract some strange disease, it's not safe, you'll be all alone, this is totally unrealistic, remember the last trip you went on and all the trouble you had, you have better things to do, what about the starving children, you are so selfish, you need to be fit to do that, you're too old, women are targets..."
What do you notice from that? I'm always amazed at how many reasons we can have to not do things. The good news is that we don't have to give our desires over to the fears and limitations. What we can do is learn from them. Here's what's true: there may be some danger involved, being in good health and fitness will make the journey easier and more enjoyable, plans will need to be made for the dog and my apartment, I could research job possibilities and ways of staying for free or volunteering as I go.
The bottom line is, if I listen to the voice of the saboteur...I'm not going anywhere. Going places is important to me and worth putting in the effort and taking some risks.
How often do you give in to this voice? Who does it sound like? What is the value in not dreaming or not following your dreams? How have you made safety, fitting in or being responsible more important than trying new things, having fun and expanding your life?

Let's put this all together and see what we can do with the information we've collected.
Inventory:
- lists of what's important/somewhat important/not important
- we have a better idea of our limiting beliefs
- we know how our saboteur tries to keep us safe/small
- we are more aware of our feelings and emotions, the origins of our beliefs and priorities and even what some of our dreams are

4. DREAM!
I love the idea of creating an Impossible List! You can also put things that are less out of your comfort zone. It doesn't matter. Create a list of things you're interested in doing, having and being. Make it as long as you can. You can add to it every day for a while to see what you can come up with. Make sure to add some things that seem completely bonkers, unrealistic and out of your reach.

5. ASK POWERFUL QUESTIONS.
This part is so exciting! You are actually making progress when you get to this point. Here we go. You can use these questions and you can make up your own. These are some of my favourites.

Am I living my best life?
Where am I playing small?
What have I decided is only possible for other people?
If I had no fear what would I do next?
What is magical about me?
Would choosing this bring me joy?
If I could change anything right now, what would it be?
Am I dreaming BIG enough?
How committed am I to living a great life?
What could work?
What do I need more information on?
Who could I ask?
What is one thing I could do today to get one step closer to my dream?
What else is possible that I've never even considered?

You getting excited yet? Something you want to avoid here is that you're not just going to your head for answers. That will only get you so far. You'll have better results if you also consult your heart and your gut. You might also find that if you ask a question and then do something mindless like cutting the grass or having a shower, ideas will start to flow on their own. This happens to me a lot when I'm driving or going for a walk. Try to have a safe and convenient way to record your thoughts because they tend to pop when you're least prepared.

Ok, I am sooo excited to share this with you!
Someone recently asked me "what comes easily for you?" I could have responded with anything from cooking to driving but what came out kind of surprised me.
My response was "Joy". Believe it or not, Joy is basically my normal state. Lots of times I actually play it down so I don't make other people feel uncomfortable. Funny that I do that because it's not like Joy just happens to me, I'm just really well practiced at it. I'm good at Joy and as a result it's my most natural state.
Second in this conversation was the question "what can you do with that skill?" My first thought was, I wish I could bottle joy and give it to people but how. After letting that percolate in the magical recesses of my brain, I suddenly had the realization that I confess should have been more obvious.
At this point, I'm not sure how to bottle Joy, but I know how we can reconnect the Radiant Circuits that turn on our body's ability to bring Joy to the surface. How could I forget that? Anyway, it's so clear to me that now is the time to do this work.

How do you know you can benefit from this?
If you feel:
- disconnected
- flat, blah, uninspired
- depressed, hopeless
- body is not regulating or healing
- unrested, moody
- stuck, frustrated

When your Radiant Circuits are working well...
You feel more:
- resilient
- joyful
- energetic
- connected
- hopeful
- spontaneous
- bright and shiny
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So, what are some ways we can get these circuits juiced up and functioning well again?

Sooooo many ways!
dance
laugh
walk barefoot on the earth
make love
breathe and enjoy
get crafting, make art
stretch, move, walk, do yoga, jump on the trampoline, roll down a grassy hill
get a massage
hugs, long squeezy yummy hugs
watch silly movies
speak from your heart
get out in nature, hug trees (for real!)
do less of what you don't enjoy!
clean your room, paint your walls or your nails
eat great food
get a pet you love
travel to new and exciting places
host a party with great friends
wear funky socks that make you smile

Resources:
There are actually exercises you can do to specifically target each of the Radiant Circuits. Donna Eden has a wealth of information on this subject and there are lots of great videos available online as well. Check out www.innersource.net to get started.

Remember, we are designed for Joy! Our bodies and beings are designed for resilience and vibrant living. To use a car metaphor, your body is a vehicle that when fed premium fuels, given regular maintenance, allowed to cool/warm up, driven according to spec and condition will last a good long time.  Please don't tell my husband I just said all that! It's all true, but shh!

Here's to abundant Joy and vibrant living my friends!

Remember that saying "If momma ain't happy, ain't no one happy!"?  That makes me laugh.  I agree of course, but more than that I think it's missing the point most of the time.

Generally speaking, as a mom, I can and do put up with a lot.  Messes, spills, broken dishes, good intentions gone sooo wrong.  I'm patient and kind, forgiving and pretty aware of what's going on for those in my care.  But what I know to be true is if the kids aren't happy, no one is happy.  If dad and I have to get up in the middle of the night to wipe projectile vomit from all surfaces in my kid's room, do laundry, wipe out crevices of intricate lego creations, relocate other children, bathe the sick child and so on, trust me, no one is happy.

How about the grumpy kid?  You can send the unhappy person to their room to have some quiet time, but as a mom, it never strays far from your mind.  What about the grumpy tween that makes sure everyone is involved.  Do you ever wish you could just strangle, I mean find a gentler, more effective approach?

Be Prepared:
A grumpy mood, injury or sick kid can take you by surprise and can often come at the least convenient time.  So, as with everything else, the best defence is a good offence.

1.Keep harmful chemicals in your home to an absolute minimum.  
The fewer harmful chemicals in your home, the happier your body's will be.
You don't need smelly, sudsy, "biohazard" cleaners to kill germs and remove grime.  Look for natural alternatives that contain many of the ingredients you would cook with like lemon, clove, peppermint, coconut oil, vinegar etc.  These cleaners are an excellent alternative and do an amazing, if not better job at cleaning up.  Check out Young Living's Thieves Line as a great place to start.  Many of the products come in a concentrated form and end up saving you money and trips to the store.




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​Another source of harmful chemicals that are often overlooked are found in the bathroom. Cosmetics, shampoos, lotions, toothpaste etc.  
Here's an article by the David Suzuki Foundation that may get you thinking twice.  As with cleaners, there are so many high quality options available now that there is no need to continue using these products.
www.davidsuzuki.org/issues/health/science/toxics/dirty-dozen-cosmetic-chemicals/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI9faluf691QIVjlcNCh34KQmYEAAYASAAEgKA3fD_BwE
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#2. Diffuse, diffuse, diffuse!
One of the most basic ways of supporting your family's immune systems, boosting moods, or calming restless sleepers is to diffuse essential oils.  The oils will purify the air they breathe while delivering the aromatic components that can help with:
- focus and concentration during homework time
- improve quality of sleep at night
- stimulate alertness and happy feelings in the mornings
- provide a safe and supportive atmosphere when returning home from school and activities 
TIP: Young Living has oil blends ready to go in the diffuser for a whole range of emotional, and physical support.  For example; RC is great for coughs and colds, Lavender for calming, Peppermint for alertness, Citrus for a sense of cheeriness.

​#3. Roll on
Creating simple blends in roller bottles that are personalized has been one of the greatest discoveries I've made.  My kids love using the oils and they love being self-sufficient.  Depending on the ages of your children, the suggested oils may change as will the amount you will dilute them in a carrier oil.
Use roller ball blends primarily on the feet for:
- coughs and colds
- upset tummies
- bad moods
- sleeplessness
- anxiety
- hormonal support for tweens/teens
- focus and concentration