Have you ever heard the phrase/question "Who does this belong to?". I'm not talking about messes you clean up around the house "who does this belong to? pick it up please!". No, not like that.
Here's something I've noticed. When I'm upset, cranky, achey, lethargic, stuffed up or whatever I'm experiencing that is not pleasant and really inconvenient, I have started asking this question. Who does this belong to anyway?
I know that I care deeply about other's wellbeing, I know you do to. We would gladly suffer so another wouldn't have to feel the pain. I also know that when I'm in a group of people who are upset, it's very easy for me to feel along with them even if I'm not even involved.
When I ask who does this belong to, often times my symptoms will reduce or go away completely. Sometimes it's quick and other times I ask all day long. I'm training my body to recognize what's ours and what's not.
One of the most interesting experiences I had with this was actually with my kids. I noticed that the only time they "fought" was right after school or when we were other people who were frustrated.
One day they came home and sat on the couch and were starting to hit each other and yell really nasty things. This is completely out of character for them. My usual response is to interrupt the argument and ask them "Do you need help resolving this or do you have the tools to do it yourself? You have the tools? Great, I'll leave you alone." Then I leave the room.
This time was different and it was suddenly clear to me that this was not like them...oh my goodness, this is not them at all. I interrupted them and acknowledged how kind and caring they are and how I know it's difficult going to school with a bunch of people who might be experiencing difficulties that they don't know how to resolve. I know you would love to help them and that you feel their frustration, anger and helplessness.
Then I asked them if they would mind if I did some clearing with them, they were still fuming mad but they agreed. So we cleared things like "everywhere you've mistaken someone else's feelings and frustrations for your own, will you release and let that go?".
Now, when they get into it, I just say "Who does it belong to? Is it yours? Is it someone else's?" and that's usually all it takes. It's like Hot Potato.
So, here's my recommendation if you would like to try this out. If you're feeling sick, have aches and pains, are frustrated or cranky or feel helpless, ask "Who does this belong to?". The point is NOT to get an ANSWER. The point is to get an AWARENESS. Like a wake up call to your body. To me it's like saying "hey Body" or "hey Dar" it's not yours honey. You don't have to feel this way.
Am I perfect at it and nothing bothers me anymore and I don't get sick or anything? Not yet...it's a practice and it has dramatically improved many things in my life.
I often wonder how many of our body complaints are a result of how we interact with our body. We might say "it's what's inside that counts" but how much of that is lip service? In reality, we complain about and criticize our bodies endlessly. We talk more about what they can't do than what they can. We poke them, cover them, disguise them, deprive them, force feed them. We look for problems, expect the worst and deny them pleasures. We sit them in desks and cars, feed them uppers, downers, packaged and fast foods. We overwork and abuse them and then get upset when they don't feel well, get sick or break down. If anyone mistreated me or spoke to me as unkindly as I have to my body, they'd not be in my life for long.
So what can we do to befriend our bodies and create a relationship that really works? Here's what I have been playing with and observing over the past several years. It's an ongoing journey that began quite a while ago.
The very earliest stages of this were probably in highschool. I was new to the area and didn't know many people so had the opportunity to spend many long hours alone in quiet contemplation. That's when I started to become aware of my body's own healing capacities as well as the gifts of the earth for healing. Later, during my first year of university, I discovered Reiki and was completely enamoured by the energy body and our ability to interact with it through our touch and our presence. I studied anything to do with healing, chakras, metaphysics, epigenetics and similar topics voraciously for years. Eventually I did my yoga teacher training and Eden Energy Medicine Foundations training and learned about meridians and the effects of movement on the energy body.
The more I played with all these tools and information, the more I began to appreciate my body. I started to speak more kindly to it. Then I started to walk with it, do yoga with it and move with it. Until eventually I actually started to enjoy it and admire it/her. Now I tell my body how amazing it is every day. I marvel at what strength it has, the endurance and flexibility. I enjoy movements in each little micro component. Have you ever just stood up and sat down to experience what that feels like? Have you ever taken a breath to imagine what it would be like if that was your first breath? Try it and see what you discover.
My journey in enjoying my body continues as I play with the tools of Access Consciousness. Now I ask my body what it would like to wear, what it would like to eat, what activity it would like and so on. I'm learning to listen even more to what my body enjoys and what it doesn't. Last spring my body asked me to start going to the gym so that's what we did. We go to the gym together now. Not because my body is bad and needs to look better or perform better but because it enjoys the movement, it enjoys feeling stronger, more capable and resilient. I enjoy the people and the classes so we're both happy.
So, in this season of indulging in sweet treats, multi-course meals, bottles of exotic drink why not eat and drink with your body? What if your body were your partner? What if it had just as much say about what went in or on it? What if it were your best friend that you adored and enjoyed?
If you would enjoy a slimmer body why not suggest this to your body and ask how it feels about it's shape? Ask your body, what kind of movement would you like? What food would nourish you and make you both feel alive and vibrant? What would be a kindness to your body and how does your body prefer to be communicated with?
Kindness, Gratitude & Partnership with your amazing body can start today. I had an amazing anatomy teacher in my yoga teacher training who recommended writing your body a card and giving it flowers. Now, I recommend that to my students and clients. Write your beautiful body a card. Tell it how you feel, appologize for being unkind and tell it what your new intentions are. Then move forward as equal partners.
Lots of warm squishy hugs to you and your body!
Today is a study day for me. Partly because I'm working toward my certification qualifications to become an Access Consciousness Certified Facilitator but mostly because things are coming up for me and I also need to study this stuff. So here I am and I'd like to share this with you today.
First of all what do we mean when we say "have greater ease" or "All of life comes to me with ease, joy and glory"? That last one is the mantra of Access and the concept may confuse some people. Today I want to talk about Ease because it applies to what I'm experiencing.
So, what is going on for me today? I'd describe it as discomfort in my world. I have a strong awareness that something is asking to be created and done different but I'm not sure what that is at this moment. I have an idea but something is sticking me. That's why today is a study day, and possibly tomorrow and many days to follow.
Back to Ease. Ease doesn't mean that life is easy. It's not easy for me to work this out on days like today when my world is a bit upside down. However, I can have ease with the process of moving through and beyond all that. I did not have to go into drama about where I'm at. I didn't have to judge myself for not having all the answers or knowing what to do at every moment.
Normally, this would be a gym morning for me but my body didn't feel like going to the gym. It felt like nesting in my warm and cozy house, starting with a shower and cup of tea. My being was happy to be productive with laundry and cooking this morning which is also not my norm. I played my class recordings that I'm studying while I prepared a pot of borscht and put my laundry in. I sat and ate breakfast while listening, pausing and clearing, listening some more.
That's ease. My studies are on the Distractor Implants which is the perfect topic for me today. Listening to the recordings and doing the exercises as recommended are helping to identify and clear where I'm allowing myself to be distracted by doubt, fear, business, relationships and other places. This will also give me greater ease and I'm finding that already.
You can look at your own life and find all the places where you value pushing through or where you've made things more complicated than necessary. We praise hard work and effort, the harder the battle, the more value we place on it. Not to say there isn't effort and determination in working through many issues, but it's the way we do it that can make all the difference. Choosing ease is a great way to not get sucked into the trauma and drama of things and it oftens results in surprising and fun developments.
My recommendation to you is to ask "How can I have greater ease with this?". One of the first things we learn in an Access Bars® class is to repeat "All of life comes to me with ease, joy and glory" ten times in the morning and ten times at night. Then when you are having difficulty you can catch yourself and say "hold on a minute, all of life comes to me with ease, joy and glory, not just the good times. So, how can I have more ease with this?
I'm back to my studies. May you have greater ease in all your ventures this day.
What if this Christmas could be your best yet? What if you could have so much joy and ease with your family that you actually have a good time?
Let's take a moment to look at family. We've got mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, grandmas, grandpas, cousins, children and don't forget your spouse or partner and the inlaws. If you were to write a list of all the people you will spend time with over the holiday and next to each person's name you wrote personality traits or things you love/hate about them, you would notice that you have a relatively fixed point of view about each person. You'd have the funny uncle, the drama queen cousin, the quiet and introverted sibling, the overbearing aunt and so on.
So, here's something to really look at. We have all these fixed points of view about who they are, what they're like, the things they do, the way they interact and so on. The thing with a fixed point of view is that not only does it prevent us from having a different experience with these people but it may also help to keep them stuck that way.
Would you be willing to have a different experience? Would you be willing to see things differently? And, would you be willing to let everyone be exactly the same as last year and have a good time anyway?
Here are a few tools you can use to prepare yourself, release some of those old points of view and things you can do in the moment without anyone ever knowing.
1. Pace yourself this season. Schedule a yoga class, massage, meditation or an Access Bars® session. This quiet time just for you is so important for unplugging from daily responsibilities and it will actually help you get more done. Think of it as an investment. An hour of Access Bars® is like fuel in the tank but with much greater mental clarity, ease and flow.
2. "Interesting point of view, I have that point of view". This is a great reminder in all situations, but especially in family gatherings. It helps you distance yourself from the points of view that come up non stop sometimes. Let it just be interesting that "they" are so annoying or needy or obnoxious. I also like to say "interesting comparison, I'm making that comparison". That's for me personally when I am comparing myself to someone who is "better" than I am or "more accomplished" or whatever. All it is is a comparison. There's nothing real about it.
3. Ask "How does it get any better than this?" and "What else is possible?". These questions are amazing tools used in Access Consciousness™. They are wonderful and I see them change my life and others lives all the time. If you are ready for things to show up new and different in your family, ask these. Ask when your partner actally does something the way you like it. Ask when guests actually show up on time or when anything goes well. Also, ask when things fall apart and a problem arises.
4. Finally, if it really is not enjoyable to do Christmas the same way it's always been done, maybe it's time for a change. "What would it take to create a Christmas experience that I/everyone enjoys? What else is possible here that I haven't considered? What can I do or be that would create a different result?" Sometimes this requires you to do something you've been resisting. It might not be important to you but it is to others. Or it might require you to say "no" to some invitations. The key is to stay in question mode, not answer mode. You'll know when the answer comes because it'll be right there in front of you. If something isn't working for you...ask a question. You know it's not working, you don't need to spin on that fact. The question will start to help you see another possibility.
A few years ago our family of 4 decided that Christmas was getting way too busy. Too many places to go in one day, too many meals to prepare and consume. What we really wanted was to just do something simple. We decided it would be really fun to go sliding instead so that's what we did. We took our time with gifts and breakfast and went sliding until we had our fill. Then we went home, changed and trotted off to Grandma's. It was a fun day and we still got to do most of what we would have planned anyway. Our second family dinner was moved to the day after which extended the festivities and was much more enjoyable for all.
So here's to you and a wonderful Christmas season. May we all discover our innate ability to live a life of ease, joy and possibility and by doing so, may we create the world anew.
Darlene Tindall is a Possibility Coach, multi modality healer and teacher sewing the seeds of possibility far and wide. She is available in person or online for coaching, classes, private facilitation, energy work or yoga.