Creating Meaningful Connections

I get a lot of clients saying that they would like to improve their relationships. For some its with their partner or spouse, a lot of times its with family members, co-workers or their children. The interesting thing is that before we can start working on our relationship with others, we first have to look at our relationship with ourselves. Sorry, but it's true!

Another thing I hear a lot is "I don't want to waste my time talking about nothing." I have to say "I agree!" How about you? Are you over it? Have you had enough small talk, complaining, gossip, surface level conversation? 

The next thing to ask is "What else is there?". What is actually possible in conversation? What is possible in connection? I think we can agree that we want more! We want to go deeper. We want to experience a richness of connection that brings us to life. We want to feel seen and heard. We don't want someone to fix or rescue us. We want to be reminded of our greatness, our potency.

When was the last time you had someone remind you of your magnificence? When was the last time you were deeply impacted by an interaction with another person? In my work with clients and colleagues, this is a daily thing and I'm so grateful to be able to spend a lot of my time in that space. When I first discovered what was possible it blew my mind. Now that's where I want to be as much as possible and I really notice when its missing.

Do you have an idea of what a meaningful connection would be for you? Do you have people in your life with whom you can go "there", go deep, go all in, be vulnerable and rise like a phoenix from the ashes? Who are the people that lift you up and make you rise to the occasion to be the best version of you?

I said earlier that to have that with another, it's essential to learn to go there with ourselves. Here's an idea of how that can work:

Give yourself the things you would like to receive from someone else
Listen without judging or trying to fix
Be fully attentive to your body responses and all the thoughts that pop
Be curious instead of jumping to conclusions
Give space for change to happen in it's own time
Don't give into stories that disempower
Remind yourself of your strengths and greatness
Encourage, acknowledge successes and predict positive outcomes
Kick some ass where necessary

Alright, let's apply this to our encounters with others!
I'll start by saying, "this takes time and practice". It really does. We've developed all kinds of habits that create separation rather than connection. The good news is...we can learn a new and rewarding way of being, BEING, together.

Be with the person for the sake of listening and being impacted
Notice your reactions and responses without leaving the gates prematurely 
Listen without judging or trying to fix
Be curious instead of jumping to conclusions
Give space for change to happen in it's own time
Don't buy into stories that disempower
Remind them of their strengths and greatness
Encourage, acknowledge and predict positive outcomes
Always ask permission before giving advice or suggestions
Shut up and let them figure it out on their own, ask more questions
Kick some ass where necessary
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You can do this. You can have those conversations and connections. And, you can have that with yourself too. You can love being in your own company, laugh at your own jokes, marvel at your own insights and be deeply appreciative for the kindness, generosity and support you have cultivated.
Good luck and keep me posted on developments. I love hearing success stories. And as always, I am available for coaching on this and more.

All the love,
xo dar

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