Don't Believe Everything You Think

Do you ever feel like you wish you could just escape from your own mind?
 
What if I told you that your mind is doing exactly what you’ve trained it to do?
 
I don’t want to upset dog lovers by drawing a comparison, but basically an untrained mind will bark, bite, beg and whine until you do something about it.
 
The mind can also be looked at like a computer. It runs the programs you install and regurgitates the information you’ve saved on its hard drive. If you want your computer to perform better, you’ve got to clean up old files, delete unwanted programs and empty the trash.
 
As we continue this discussion, I encourage you to stay in a place of curiosity and exploration. Changing mental habits can be difficult at first, but once you get a few of the basic principles down, you’ll start to find your groove and hopefully have a little fun with it. In fact, the more humour and play you bring, the easier it’ll be.
 
Let’s start here:
 
What kinds of thoughts are swimming through your mind most of the time?

• Are they thoughts about the things you need to get done, thoughts about your health or appearance, thoughts about family, friends or coworkers?

 

• Are you obsessed with ideas of being treated poorly, ripped off, neglected or rejected?

 

• Are you worried about upcoming deadlines, finances, phone calls or responsibilities?

 

• Are you replaying conversations or experiences?

 

• Are you punishing yourself for failing at something or making a fool of yourself in front of someone you admire?

 

• Are you rehearsing upcoming conversations that may never happen?

 
This is pretty normal. And yes, at times I too am guilty of all of the above.
 
Life requires all kinds of things of us. At first it might seem that playing thoughts over in our minds is a great way to solve problems, figure out things that confuse us or come to terms with difficult circumstances. While that may happen, the reality is that most of the time this approach is ineffective and we become trapped in our self-created hell of worry, fear, frustration or sadness.
 
Thoughts aren’t the problem. It’s that we allow them to play on repeat. When you find thoughts repeating and taking over your mental space, you know you’re just spinning your wheels. This moment of realization indicates something is up. It’s showing you that you have something deeper to look at and address.
 
Not only is this spinning ineffective, it also affects our sense of wellbeing. Cycling thought patterns can cause us to lose sleep, be distracted and irritable, sabotage productivity, damage relationships and it negatively impacts our health.
 
Many of us know intellectually that our thoughts create our reality. When we’re feeling good, we are aware that positive thoughts lead to positive outcomes. But when we’re tired, frustrated, upset or fearful, we might truly believe that our current thinking content is appropriate and even necessary in that situation. We forget that our thoughts are making a neutral situation look unpleasant. We buy into the idea of good/bad luck, victim mentality, feeling stuck and out of options.
 
Just like dog training, we’ve got to stay on top of thoughts to maintain good habits.
 
Here are four things to keep in mind at all times:

1. My thoughts are always affecting my feelings
2. I can always choose better feeling thoughts
3. My mood affects my thoughts, which affects my feelings
4. Moods change and I know how to get into a better mood

 
Here’s a little experiment:
Let’s say you’re at the supermarket. A distracted lady with her thoughts on other things cuts in line ahead of you. If you’re in a really good mood you might just laugh to yourself and be happy to help make her day a little bit easier. But, if you’re in a bad mood and you’ve decided that life is giving you all kinds of obstacles, you might be really irritated with this lady and insist she finds her place at the back of the line.
 
Your mood colours your thoughts and your thoughts influence your feelings. If you find that you regularly have low feelings, you’ll want to trace your steps backwards to your thoughts and find ways to consistently improve your mood.
 
 
SHORT TERM STRATEGY: 
What do you do when your mind won’t stop spinning or when you’re convinced that you just need to keep having these thoughts in order to fix whatever situation you’re in?

1. Acknowledge the thoughts you’re having in the moment. “Oh interesting, I’ve chosen these thoughts over and over again. I must think they’re really important.”
2.  Be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can in this moment. Now that you’re aware that you’re allowing thoughts to spin and exhaust you, you can choose something more helpful. “These thoughts are driving me nuts, I’m driving myself nuts with these thoughts. What else can I try that will put me at ease and be more productive?”
3.  Open your toolbox. Choose something that pops for you in this moment. It doesn’t have to be the best solution, it just has to be something to help you switch gears and open to different possibilities. Here are some suggestions and I’m sure you’ll have others that come to mind. If something doesn’t appeal, move to the next suggestion.

• go for a walk
• call a friend
• watch a funny show
• take a shower
• go camping
• put on some upbeat music (I have playlists for times like these)
• ride your bike
• make a nice meal
• read an inspiring article/book
• volunteer
• do some stretching or yoga
• practice an instrument/sing
• do something creative (I have stained glass projects ready to go at all times just in case)
• clean the house/car/fridge…
• pray/meditate/journal
• invite company over for dinner
• get a massage or energy work
• hire a coach/sign up for a class

 
 
FOLLOW UP STRATEGY: 

1. Look at your thoughts more deeply with curiosity not judgement. This is the perfect thing to sit down with a coach to explore. There are also many self-help resources for this.
2.  Upgrade your thinking. What thoughts would make you feel the way you want to feel? If you want to feel happy, inspired, motivate, empowered, confident and secure, your thinking will have to reflect those things. You can’t bake a cake with lemon and expect it to come out tasting like chocolate. The mind, much like a dog, can be trained. It can be a loyal and obedient companion but you must become its conscious master.
3.  Surround yourself with positive influences. Who are the people in your life that are committed to being positive and proactive? If you don’t have people like that, here are some suggestions:

• take a class (anything from cooking to meditation)
• join a community group (walking, hiking, pet rescue, volunteering)
• join a choir (singing is great for state of mind and happy physiology)
• listen to inspiring podcasts
• read/watch uplifting stories
• start your own group if you have to

 
LONG TERM STRATEGY: 
 
There comes a time when mental chaos just becomes too much. It interferes with too many things and compromises health, relationships and mental state.
 
It can also be really boring. If you want an extraordinary life, you can’t be led around by a runaway mind. It won’t work, you won’t get anywhere and what you can achieve will be greatly diminished.
 
The mind run amok is critical, doubting, anxious and self-defeating. It thinks its job is to keep you safe so it’s seeking out any possible scenario that might cause trouble. It wants to prevent further harm.
 
These are great motives, but most of the time, they’re unnecessary and unhelpful. We need to grow our faith in a gentler way of flowing with life instead of trying to control it.
  
Here’s a way to work with the mind instead of against it:

1. Decide to change how you think and what you think about. 
Like any tool, the mind can be used for creation or destruction. It’s up to you what you do with it. The mind doesn’t mind what it thinks about. You are the driver, the programmer, the content creator. You get to choose what goes in, what gets repeated and for how long. Put your foot down and develop a zero tolerance for low quality input.

2. Make friends with it. 
Your resistance and frustration will only prolong the situation. You want to create a relationship with your thoughts and thinking that’s light and easy. Laugh at yourself when you catch your thinking slipping. It’s totally normal and ok to despair at times. Be encouraging and remind yourself that you know what to do and you’ll get through this.

3. Get real about what you do want. 
The noise in your head is good at tuning out the genuine desire of your heart. Your heart longs to be playful, creative, joyful, connected and adventurous. Your head thinks its job is to keep you safe and it thinks that there’s risk involved in trying something new so it yammers on about all the reasons you shouldn’t do things. 
Ask yourself:
“What do I want?”
“What do I really want?”
“If I could have/be anything what would I really really want?”

4. Look at your beliefs. Look at your stories. 
Call them stories and please don’t believe everything you think. As soon as you start asking what you want (see #3 above), all kinds of objections will pop up. This is great! Now you can clear out your cupboards and drawers of all the stale, old, worn, outdated, faded and boring limitations you’ve been saving for later.

Get curious and ask yourself:
“What’s the value of believing this?”
“What’s the value in repeating this in my head, over and over?”
“Who would I be without this thought/belief?”
 
5. Turn objections around and find reasons why something might work out, why it’s a good idea.
 
Here are some ideas to get you started:
 
It’s a good idea because…

• I could learn something
• I could make new friends
• It looks like fun
• I feel like it (this is my favourite justification for most things)
• I’ll get better with practice
• If I like it and it works more possibilities will open up

 
6. Choose optimism. Because it works.
Train your mind to support what you want in life. Even if you’re not generally optimistic, increasing your faith and trust in the process of life is just smart. So much time and energy are wasted needlessly on doubts, fears and insecurities. Choose beliefs that bring you closer to what you want.
 
Here’s an example:
If you believe you’re terrible with money, find the one way you’re good with it. Maybe you know how to find deals or make a meal on a tight budget. That’s a place to start. Then look for other ways you can expand on that until you recognize, you’re actually not that bad at all and you can learn to be even better.
 
Suggested helpful beliefs:

• I’m generally safe and protected (I’m still cautious and follow necessary safety protocols but I’m not fearful)
• Money is a resource that can be replenished and I am resourceful enough to figure out how
• Most people are good natured if I give them a chance but I don’t have to be friends with everyone
• My body is designed to heal itself and I work with it to give it the best chance to stay healthy and robust
• Answers and solutions will come to me when I need them
• The help I need will come to me when I need it
• Time is my friend. If I am calm and clear I will get everything done in time
• Liking myself is more important that others liking me and I have lots of things to like about myself
• I always find a way to work things out
• I’m good at learning new things

 
7. Give thanks.
Give thanks for what you do have or have had. Give thanks for what you don’t yet have, the things you’re asking for. This is more powerful than you can imagine.
 
Start with: “Thank you for a clear and peaceful mind.”
 

The Good News...YOUR MIND IS A PLACE FOR MIRACLES!
Your mind is designed to live in harmony with the flow of life. We are designed to be radiant and at peace. Life is here as a partner. Our mind is as much a creator as our hands. The things we think and the beliefs we hold are all creating. If we believe that the world is a dangerous place, it likely will be. That’s the creative element in action. But, if we believe the universe is here to serve and support us, that will be just as true.
 
You are responsible for what goes in, so choose wisely. And, if unhelpful thoughts arise, remember, you don’t have to believe everything you think.