Thing 1: IF YOU WANT CHANGE...YOU HAVE TO DO THE WORK!
If you want change, You have to do the work! Don't you just hate that? Change does not happen on it's own for anyone. We all suck at stuff until we suck less and eventually we get pretty good at it. Once that happens, we find something else we suck at that we can work on.
It's so tempting to look at people who have awesome lives and think they're just lucky. There must be some special circumstances that allowed for them to have what they have. That may be for a very few cases, but most of the time there was a lot of effort involved. Trial and error, failed attempts, embarrassment, frustration, loss, confusion, exhaustion, sweat and tears are all part of this process.
To get what you want you have got to have a "Get back in the ring" sort of attitude. You have got to be willing to do what it takes, get messy, fail fail fail, look stupid, take risks, lose some win some and stay positive as much of the time as you can.
Thing 2: MOST OF THE TIME YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!
Most of the time you won't know exactly what you're doing. You won't know what the next step should be. You may not even know what the next step could be. It's messy, doesn't make sense and there is no guarantee that it'll work.
I hate this! I want things to be obvious and make sense. I want to know that what I'm doing is going to generate the kind of results I'm looking for.
Change that is worth having isn't a destination with a clear path of well marked sign posts. You can't plug it into your Maps App and have it tell you the three route options with estimated travel times. You pretty much have to do your best research, consult your heart and your gut, and then take the plunge. Sometimes you have to do that almost every day! You do it over and over again until you learn better questions to ask, new research avenues and you learn to tune into your heart and instincts on a deeper level. Then, you learn to not take failure personally.
Thing 3: STAY FOCUSSED or STAY STUCK AND LOST
What you focus on is what you get. That's one of the first things you learn in most activities but is very much lacking in life skills. When throwing a ball, aim for your target. When driving, place your attention where you want to go, not on the shiny sparkly thing in the store window. Life is full of distractions. It's full of shiny objects but mostly it's full of busy work, other people's problems, emergencies, hassle, annoyances, sadness, depression, bills, illness and a whole slew of other things to get sidetracked with.
It is not always easy or convenient to have a dream or vision you're working toward. The bottom line is that the less time you spend on it, the less likely it is to become your reality. You must know without any doubt that you will get where you're going, nothing will stop you, delays are normal but determination is your lifeline.
You have got to have a strong vision and feeling of what you are creating. Like a sniffer dog trained on a scent, you've got to be tuned to the frequency of what you're looking for. You have to know it's possible and that you can achieve it even though doubt will often linger. Focus, keep you eye on the target, trust your instincts and go for it.
Thing 4: SELFISHNESS, JUDGEMENT AND OTHER PEOPLE'S OPINIONS
Ugh! Dreams, change, vision, goals, passion, purpose and projects can seem so selfish to our friends and family. First of all, Never expect anyone else to "get it". You may find some people who support you and see the awesomeness you are working toward, but most of the time, people are pretty oblivious. You've got to get OK with that. Stop defending and explaining what you're doing. Stop trying to get them excited with you. That's a massive distraction and time waster. They might get it eventually when you have a finished product or completed project BUT they may never see the value in it. That's pretty normal and that's why it's so important to have dreams that light you up so much that it doesn't matter how many people are there to party with you.
You will find others who will join you for part of the journey and some who may stick with you until the end. Either way, it'll be worth it and you will get to enjoy what you've created. The less you worry about others, the more you can enjoy the ride too.
Judgement happens. It generally happens from people who are not really invested in seeing you shine, even though they may claim to have your best interest at heart. What I find fascinating is, the less concerned I am about making people happy, towing the line, fixing and helping others, the less I get judged. It's really cool. It didn't happen instantly but it happened.
The people in my life recognize that my dreams don't take away from them or our relationship. My success is not a threat to them and I am always happy to help them have their own success. My point of view is that this world is a better place each time one of us finds what they love and lives a life that truly brings them happiness. We all win.
A final though on judgement is that often judgement can be an indicator that you're getting somewhere and making some great progress. The next time someone judges you take a moment to get excited and see just how far you've come. Way to go!
Thing 5: IT NEVER ENDS
It never ends is like the universe laughing when you think you've finally arrived and the work is over. If you listen closely you can hear a great big belly laugh rippling through the cosmos.
Get over looking for an easy way out. The easy way is to do the hard work! The easy way is to do the hard work and then do it again and again. Stop looking for a way out. Learn to enjoy the process and stop making it so serious. It doesn't mean you're bad or wrong or less than anyone else. It's normal and sometimes it really sucks. The good news is that you get better at it with practice and you learn to enjoy the ride. Cultivate a strong sense of trust in yourself and believe that good things will happen. You could believe that bad things will happen but it's less enjoyable and you're likely to be right about what you believe so the safer bet is with optimism!
Lastly, a life worth living is worth the effort put in to get there. End of story.
TIME TO GET STARTED:
Where do you start? Right where you are. There is no right time or best time to start. You just start.
Darlene Tindall is a Transformational Life Coach, multi modality healer and teacher sewing the seeds of possibility far and wide. She is available in person or online for coaching, classes, private facilitation, energy work or yoga.